How to Avoid a Civil War in Your Congregation (or Family)
The “Protocol of Reconciliation and Grace through Separation” that was announced in January puts The United Methodist Church on a different path than other mainline denominations that have battled over LGBTQ+ inclusion. In previous cases, the progressive wing of the denomination ultimately pushed through legislation allowing for ordination and (later) same sex weddings. This in […]
Podcast Episode 57: If You Met My Family, You’d Understand-Chapter 2 Problem and Challenge
There is a difference between a challenge and a problem. Life is filled with challenges. They only become problems when we can’t handle them. How we respond to a challenge influences whether it will become a problem.
Impeachment, Mitt Romney and Surrounding Togetherness Pressure
Mitt Romney knew the blowback would be fierce. He voted to remove President Trump from office anyway. This is not a political post. This is not about whether Romney was right or wrong; a hero or a villain. This is about self-differentiation. Self-differentiation is the ability to take a non-anxious stand in the midst of […]
Podcast Episode 55: A Family Systems Take on “Megxit” (Harry and Meghan Step Back from the Royal Family)
The recent announcment by Prince Harry and Meghan to step back from the Royal Family provides a look into the Windsor family of origin. As with all families, intergenerational transmission and surrounding togetherness pressures are evident. Learning from their situation can help the rest of us grow as leaders. Show notes: The British royal family […]
Asking for Help Will Make You a Better Leader
How often do you ask for help? If you’re like me, you’re not very good at it. There’s the misperception that leaders are supposed to lead, not ask for help. We often see needing help as a sign of weakness. But family systems theory doesn’t focus on independence. It’s all about inter-dependence. Self-differentiation is knowing […]
Podcast Episode 54: How to Have a Congregational Conversation on a Difficult Subject
If the Protocol for Separation in The United Methodist Church passes, it will require many congregations to have difficult discussions. Doing so in a way that minimizes surrounding togetherness pressure gives the congregation the best chance to do so in a healthy way.
Podcast Episode 53: Self-Differentiation (Rebroadcast)
One of the most popular episodes focuses on a fundamental family systems concept. Self-differentiation is the key to effective leadership. Show Notes: Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue by Edwin Friedman
Fear, Chaos and the Non-Anxious Leader
A colleague once approached me and asked if I had any worship resources that address the feeling that the world is in chaos. He noted that multiple congregants have expressed fear and concern about recent happenings. This was several years ago. Not much has changed. What can we do? We may not be able […]
Podcast Episode 52: How to Deflect Anxiety
A rule of thumb for dealing with anxious people and anxious situations is, “Don’t argue. Don’t agree. Stay connected.” Deflection can help you do this. Show Notes: How to Deflect Difficult Questions in an Interview or Negotiation by Brad Bitterly and Maurice E. Schweitzer