Podcast Episode 27: How to Stand up for Yourself
The healthy way to stand up for yourself is to take a non-anxious emotional stand. Avoid reactivity by not arguing and not agreeing. Understanding family systems theory will help you do this. Show notes: Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue by Edwin Friedman
The Stories We Tell Ourselves
I once went for a long run recently on a brutally hot morning. The temperature was already 80°. Many organized running events will cancel if the start time temperature is above 80°. A few miles into the run I realized that my pace was about 30 seconds per mile faster than my normal long […]
Podcast Episode 26: How to Handle It When You Are Anxiously Attacked
Remaining a non-anxious presence when someone unleashes their anxiety on you is a challenge. The best response is don’t argue, don’t agree. This requires the ability to self-regulate your own anxiety. This episode explores the best way to do this. Show Notes: Glossary of Family Systems Terms from The Center for Family Systems Theory of […]
Podcast Episode 25: The Positive Consequences of Pain
Pain is not something to be avoided. It is a part of life and can help us grow. Research on physical pain shows that there can be positive consequences. The same is true for emotional pain. Show Notes: The Positive Consequences of Pain: A Biopsychosocial Approach by Brock Bastian, Jolanda Jetten, Matthew J. Hornsey and […]
Podcast Episode 24: The Top Five Regrets of the Dying (and How to Avoid Them)
On our deathbed, most of our regrets will be things we left undone. Four of the top five are so-called regrets of inaction. Looking at them from a family systems perspective will help to avoid them. Show Notes: This article from Cornell summarizes Tom Gilovich’s work on regret. The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: […]
Podcast Episode 23: Musings from Thailand on Self-Differentiation
Food is a proxy for culture, and culture is a system with its own set of unwritten rules that can create surrounding togetherness pressure. Getting outside of our own culture can help us to better self-differentiate. Show notes: Here is a recipe using turmeric marinated tofu. The egg I described in this episode is called […]
Weddings and Surrounding Togetherness Pressures
We are in Thailand for our daughter’s wedding. She and her husband met here while traveling 10 years ago. They’ve been together ever since. When they decided to get married she had a big decision to make. Among the people she wanted most to be here, besides immediate family, were her three aunts; my sister […]
Podcast Episode 21: Difficult Conversations Part 2–How to Be a Non-Anxious Presence
Engaging in a difficult conversation takes preparation to enable one to be a non-anxious presence. These techniques will help you to prepare, get started and remain a non-anxious presence. Show Notes: Difficult Conversations: How to Discuss What Matters Most by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, Sheila Heen and Roger Fisher
Three Ways to Create Emotional Space (and Why It Matters)
This has been an eventful year for my denomination, The United Methodist Church. In February, a special session of delegates from around the world met. Their decisions created a crisis over the church’s stance on LGBTQ inclusion. I recently recorded a podcast episode as to how this crisis can be a good thing. One result […]