[00:00:01.560]
Welcome to Episode 380 of The Non-Anxious Leader podcast. I'm Jack Shitama, and I have an all-new episode after being away with grandparent duties and then vacation. So I'm excited to share this with you. But before I do that, I want to remind you that if you are new to this podcast, you can connect with me at jack@christian-leaders.com with your questions, comments, and suggestions for future episodes. And you can get more resources at thenonanxiousleader.com where you can find out about my coaching practice, speaking engagements, books that I've written, and courses that I offer. You can also subscribe to my Two for Tuesday email newsletter and get your free AI Family Systems Coach at the website or at the links in the show notes. Finally, if you would like to support my work for as little as $5 a month, you can get more information and sign up at the link in the show notes. Thanks in advance for your consideration. And now, without further ado, here is Episode 380: 4 Ways Effective Leaders Increase a Group's Capacity for Change. Most leaders assume that when a group keeps choosing the same ineffective strategy, the problem is inside.

[00:01:54.800]
Insight. If they only understood the data. If they only saw the consequences. If they only listened. But the longer I work with anxious systems, whether they're families, congregations, or organizations, the more convinced I am that insight is rarely the issue. One issue is energy. The idea for this episode comes from Kathleen Smith's article, "Why Groups Choose What Doesn't Work." I'll put a link in the show notes. Smith makes a simple but profound point. The brain is metabolically expensive. That is, it takes a lot of energy. In fact, it burns about 20% of your energy. Thoughtfulness, creativity, and long-term thinking all require energy. And when your energy is depleted, the brain defaults to the familiar, even if the familiar doesn't work. And what's true for individuals is also true for relationship systems. Groups also have a kind of metabolic budget, meaning they only have so much energy to deal with the challenges they face. When a system is stressed, it will almost always choose the option that costs the least emotional energy, even if that option is ineffective. From a Family Systems perspective, this helps explain some of the frustration you experience as a leader. Here are 4 observations that will help you to understand this better.

[00:03:22.100]
First, groups don't choose what works, they choose what regulates anxiety. When a family is anxious, it doesn't choose the healthiest pattern. It chooses the pattern that calms things down the fastest. That might be avoidance, it might be over-functioning, it might be blaming, it might be doing the same thing that failed last time. Simply because it's familiar. Congregations and organizations do the same thing. A team that's overwhelmed will choose the quick fix, the workaround, the patch, the meeting after the meeting, because those behaviors lower anxiety in the moment. They don't solve anything, but they feel easier. This is why leaders often feel like they're pushing a boulder uphill. They're trying to introduce a more thoughtful, more effective approach, but the system is trying to conserve energy. The system isn't resisting you. It's resisting the metabolic cost of maturity. The second observation is that ineffective strategies are usually the cheapest ones. Think about a classic triangle where there is discomfort between two partners and one of them invests all their energy into their work. It doesn't solve the conflict, but it's cheap. It requires less emotional energy than addressing the issue directly. Or overfunctioning. One person takes on more than their share.

[00:04:46.090]
It's unsustainable, but it's cheap in the moment because it prevents conflict and keeps the system stable. Groups do this too. Instead of clarifying roles, they let the same person rescue the team. Instead of addressing chronic underperformance, they redistribute work. Instead of making a strategic decision, they form another committee. These choices don't work, but they're metabolically inexpensive. They take less energy, and when a system is anxious, they are more likely to choose an option that requires less emotional energy. The third observation is that anxiety makes the familiar feel safe. When you are low on energy, you are less likely to try new things. Relationship systems are the same. In Family Systems terms, this is the principle of homeostasis. Systems prefer stability, the known pattern, even if the known pattern is dysfunctional, because predictability reduces anxiety. This is why a church keeps repeating a program that no longer serves its mission, why a staff keeps using a workflow everyone hates, and why a leadership team keeps avoiding the same hard conversation. It's not that people don't see the problem, it's that the system is trying to conserve energy, that is, its metabolic budget. And finally, the fourth observation is that leaders often misinterpret the resistance.

[00:06:15.940]
When a leader proposes a healthier, more effective approach, they often interpret resistance as laziness, stubbornness, lack of vision, lack of commitment, or all of the above. From a family systems perspective, it's the system saying, "We don't have the energy for this right now." This is why pushing harder rarely works. Pressure increases anxiety, which further depletes the system's energy. This makes the group cling even more tightly to ineffective patterns. The more you push, the more they freeze and subconsciously dig in. So if pushing harder isn't the answer, What is? Let's get into that next. Your job as a leader is to increase the system's capacity, not its compliance. If the real issue is energy, not insight, then your job shifts. Instead of trying to convince the group to choose a better strategy, work on increasing the system's capacity to tolerate the discomfort of change. This requires 4 things. First, regulate your own reactivity. Self-regulation seems obvious because anxiety is contagious, but so is calmness. Staying calm and thoughtful when the group is stressed increases the system's metabolic capacity. You become a source of energy by creating healthy emotional space. Second, lower the emotional temperature. You don't do this by avoiding issues but by approaching them with clarity and steadiness.

[00:07:54.130]
Remember, the difference between a challenge and a problem is your own response. For example, if a congregation is facing a budget deficit, you can say things like, "We do have a budget deficit, and I don't want us to turn that into blame or panic. I want to stay with the actual numbers, the choices in front of us, and the mission we're trying to protect." Or you can say, "I know this creates anxiety. My commitment is to be honest about where we are, clear about the options, and steady as we take the next steps together." Notice how this exhibits self-definition and emotional connection. You are saying what you plan to do even as you commit to working together. This helps lower anxiety. And when the anxiety drops, the system has more energy available for creativity and problem-solving. Third, name the pattern without attacking the people. When you are able to describe the system's behavior neutrally, you help the group see itself without shame. You can say something like, "We tend to look for a quick fix when we're stressed. How might we work through that?" Shame drains energy. Curiosity restores it. Fourth and finally, introduce small, low-cost experiments.

[00:09:16.270]
Big change requires big energy. Small changes require much less. Most systems can't tolerate a strategic overhaul, but they can tolerate a small shift, and once the system experiences success, its capacity grows. I work with churches in a Lilly-funded initiative that helps congregations connect with their surrounding community then design an experiment to test out how they might meet a community need. We anticipated that there would be resistance to this, so we developed a learning module that helped them understand the Family Systems concept of sabotage. The idea was to help them remain non-anxious in the face of resistance. What we found in practice was there was virtually no resistance. Small, low-cost experiments don't threaten the way we've always done it before. They don't require as much energy and therefore result in less resistance. Understanding leadership as managing energy is leadership through self-differentiation. You're not trying to force people to go along, but you are saying, this is where I believe we are going to go, and you create emotional space that helps people reclaim enough capacity to choose to as they go along. This is why the most impactful leaders slow down when the system speeds up and ask questions instead of giving answers.

[00:10:46.190]
When you're able to stay connected without absorbing the group's anxiety, and when you refuse to overfunction even when it would be easier, you help others to tolerate the discomfort that comes with change. Doing this is challenging for you. It will be metabolically expensive. It will take energy, but it creates energy in the system. As Edwin Friedman would say, this is not easy, but it's easier than trying to force people to go along. In the end, the most powerful influence you have is your own functioning. Your clarity about your goals, values, and the mission, along with your willingness to be a non-anxious presence in an anxious system, creates the kind of healthy emotional space that increases energy instead of draining it. That's the paradox of leadership through self-differentiation. The less you try to control people, the more capacity they gain to choose something better. That's it for episode 380. Remember, you can connect with me at jack@christian-leaders.com and find more resources at thenonanxiousleader.com. And if you found this episode helpful, please share it with someone who would benefit and please leave a review on your podcast platform of choice. Thanks in advance for your help. Until next time, go be yourself.