Perspective Is Everything

We went dress shopping at the mall recently. Two of our nieces got married this fall, so there was pressure to find the right dress (first world problem). This also raises the issue that a man can wear the same suit (maybe change the shirt or tie), but a woman wouldn’t dare wear the same […]

The Importance of Connection

Photo: Rawpixel

I write a lot about self-differentiation. That may make it seem that it’s all about self. But there are two components to self-differentiation. One is self-definition, which is the ability to express what you believe in healthy ways. The other is emotional connection. Self-differentiation is the ability to self-define while staying connected to others, especially […]

Life’s Important Moments Open Opportunities for Change

Photo: Bartek71

A friend and colleague recently shared that he had been estranged from his brother for nearly two decades. They had been very close growing up. He doesn’t know what precipitated the cut off. As he said, “I must have done something to offend him.” Then their stepfather and mother died in the same year. When […]

Addition by Subtraction

Photo: ISerg

I am told that in 1996, when the district superintendent met with the church staff parish relations committee to tell them that I would be their new pastor, she told them that the new pastor had an earring. Apparently one of the members of the committee had a fit, and threatened to leave if the […]

Podcast Episode 35: Sabotage and Empathy (What Works and What Doesn’t)

Photo: SIphotography

Being able to recognize and respond effectively to emotional sabotage is essential for leading change. Empathy is good, except when it’s not. This episode helps to unpack the difference. Show Notes: The following episodes are helpful in further understanding how to respond to sabotage: Episode 19: Self-Regulation–the Key to Being a Non-Anxious Presence Episode 26: […]