Perspective Is Everything
We went dress shopping at the mall recently. Two of our nieces got married this fall, so there was pressure to find the right dress (first world problem). This also raises the issue that a man can wear the same suit (maybe change the shirt or tie), but a woman wouldn’t dare wear the same […]
Podcast Episode 47: The Year End Review (with a Family Systems Take)
The most effective leaders do a year-end review. Here are three approaches, including the one that I use. Doing a year-end review will take you about an hour. It will not only help you make the most of your 2019 experiences, it will help you prepare to get a great start in 2020. This month’s […]
Podcast Episode 46: Origin Stories and Family Narratives (the Holidays are coming)
Sharing “origin” stories and family narratives makes a family stronger. The holidays are an especially good time to make this happen. Whether you’re asking the right questions or sharing your stories, doing this will help everybody relax and connect with each other. Join the Non-Anxious Leader Network (it’s FREE). Show Notes: The Psychology Behind Superhero […]
Podcast Episode 45: Understanding Free Will and Self-Regulation (the Holidays Are Coming)
Yuval Noah Harari maintains that the greatest threat to freedom is the myth of free will. This episode examines free will to understand how we can better self-regulate in anxious situations. Join The Non-Anxious Leader Network (it’s completely FREE) Show Notes: The Myth of Freedom by Yuval Noah Harari
The Importance of Connection
I write a lot about self-differentiation. That may make it seem that it’s all about self. But there are two components to self-differentiation. One is self-definition, which is the ability to express what you believe in healthy ways. The other is emotional connection. Self-differentiation is the ability to self-define while staying connected to others, especially […]
Life’s Important Moments Open Opportunities for Change
A friend and colleague recently shared that he had been estranged from his brother for nearly two decades. They had been very close growing up. He doesn’t know what precipitated the cut off. As he said, “I must have done something to offend him.” Then their stepfather and mother died in the same year. When […]
Podcast Episode 39: Interview with Bill Selby, Family Systems Expert (Part 1 of 3)
Bill Selby is the founder of the Center for Pastoral Effectiveness of the Rockies. He has been training clergy in how to be a non-anxious leader since 1999. This is part one of a three part interview. In today’s segment, Bill shares the importance of staying connected, process and content, and identifying healthy leaders.
Addition by Subtraction
I am told that in 1996, when the district superintendent met with the church staff parish relations committee to tell them that I would be their new pastor, she told them that the new pastor had an earring. Apparently one of the members of the committee had a fit, and threatened to leave if the […]
Podcast Episode 35: Sabotage and Empathy (What Works and What Doesn’t)
Being able to recognize and respond effectively to emotional sabotage is essential for leading change. Empathy is good, except when it’s not. This episode helps to unpack the difference. Show Notes: The following episodes are helpful in further understanding how to respond to sabotage: Episode 19: Self-Regulation–the Key to Being a Non-Anxious Presence Episode 26: […]
