Podcast Episode 343: 5 Ways to Assess the Health of Any Relationship System – Part 1 of 2 (Rebroadcast)
The functioning of any relationship system is dependent on the level of self-differentiation among its members. In this two-part episode, I unpack a schema developed by Daniel V. Papero of the Bowen Center for the Study of the Family. Show Notes: Developing a systems model for family assessment. Family Systems: A Journal of Natural Systems […]
The Upside of Surrounding Togetherness Pressure
Prior to his passing, my father-in-law lost his capacity for speech due to a massive stroke. Though he would try to speak at times, it was mostly unintelligible. However, when we would tuck him in at night, we would say the Lord’s Prayer with him. As often as not, he would try to say […]
Surrounding Togetherness Pressure Comes in Many Forms
When one of our sons was about 11, he came to me and asked, “Dad can we go hunting sometime?” I immediately felt anxiety. I’m not a hunter. I grew up in the suburbs of DC. I’m not against hunting, it’s just not who I am. But we live in a rural area, and […]
Podcast Episode 341: How to Focus on Emotional Process (and Not Content) (Rebroadcast)
Understanding emotional process helps you to see how people deal with uncertainty and anxiety. This enables you to be less anxious and judgmental, as well as more compassionate. This episode shows you how. Show Notes: The Circle of Why by Kathleen Smith Become a Patron for as little as $5/month. Subscribe to my weekly Two for Tuesday email […]
Three Things that Annoy Me
This is not a rant. It may come off that way. When you get to the end you’ll get where I’m going. Certain things annoy me. They may strike you the same way. Here are three. Illegal dumping. This is not people who throw trash out their window while driving (although that annoys me, […]
Podcast Episode 340: Stop Taking Responsibility for Other People’s Problems (And Start Delegating Anxiety Instead)
This example from Edwin Friedman’s video on leadership through self-differentiation will help you manage anxiety in any relationship system. Show Notes: Leadership Through Self Differentiation A lecture by Edwin Friedman on YouTube Become a Patron for as little as $5/month. Subscribe to my weekly Two for Tuesday email newsletter.
The Power of Self-Respect
“To free us from the expectations of others, to give us back to ourselves—there lies the great, the singular power of self-respect.” Joan Didion Most of us grow up believing that love is conditional on meeting expectations. We learn to monitor others’ reactions, adjust our behavior to keep them comfortable, and gradually lose touch […]
Podcast Episode 339: Unpacking the Responsibility Triangle (Rebroadcast)
You can’t make another person responsible. If you’re trying, you’re likely doing it wrong. Here’s why and how you can do better. Show Notes: Generation to Generation: Family Process in Church and Synagogue by Edwin Friedman Become a Patron for as little as $5/month. Subscribe to my weekly Two for Tuesday emails.
Non-Anxious Leaders Love Discomfort
“Taking on a challenge is a lot like riding a horse, isn’t it? If you’re comfortable while you’re doing it, you’re probably doing it wrong.” —Ted Lasso This simple metaphor captures a universal truth about growth: real progress happens at the edge of your comfort zone. When you’re balanced, relaxed, and cozy, you’re probably […]