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Welcome to Episode 335 of The Non-Anxious Leader Podcast. I'm Jack Shitama. If you are new to this podcast, you can connect with me by emailing me at jack@christian-leaders.com with your questions, comments, and ideas for future episodes. You can get more resources at thenonanxiousleaders.com, where you can find out about my coaching practice, speaking engagements, books that I've written, and courses that I offer. You can also subscribe to my Two for Tuesday email newsletter there or at the link that I will provide in the show notes. If you would like to support my work for as little as $5 a month, you can go to the link that is in the show notes. Thanks in advance for your consideration. Now, without further ado, here is episode 335, Five Ways to Lead During a Societal Regression. In episodes 332 and 333, I cover the idea that we are in the midst of a societal regression, which has the same dynamics as an emotional regression in a family of origin.

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If you haven't listened to those episodes, I encourage you to do that first as it will provide important context for this episode. In short, a societal regression is the result of chronic anxiety that occurs in the midst of challenge and/or rapid change, both of which we have experienced for at least a half century. Some key elements of societal regression are a focus on rights over responsibilities, think entitlement, an ethos of blaming and victimhood, and deep polarization. Murray Bowen maintained that the current regression began after World War II and won't reverse itself until a major crisis in the mid-21st century that leaves people no choice but to work together. That said, it seems that one place that Bowen and Edwin Friedmann differed was on how we might pull out of a regression. As far as I know, Friedmann doesn't say that we will need a worldwide crisis to shake us out of the current societal regression. He also believed that we were in a regression, but he focused on the need for self differentiated leadership as the only way to reverse what he saw happening. That is the premise of the book, A Failure of Nerve, in which he describes the regression as a result of a chronically anxious society.

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He wrote, My thesis The fear is that the climate of contemporary America has become so chronically anxious that our society has gone into an emotional regression that is toxic to well-defined leadership. Two things. First, I think It's clear that we're not just talking about the US. The patterns of regression and polarization can be seen throughout the entire world. Second, Friedmann isn't simply saying that these are challenging times and leadership is hard. It's that the system is toxic to the very leadership that can save it. The challenge, according to Friedmann, is the ability of relationship systems, in this case, society at large, to handle the natural tension between individuality and togetherness, to maintain integrity during a crisis, and to maintain the capacity to produce self-differentiated leaders. Let's unpack that. First, keeping an appropriate balance between individuality and togetherness, or as I like say, self-definition and emotional connection, is the basic challenge of self-differentiation. At any level, but especially during a societal regression, this is the ability to agree on the common good, even as people have the freedom to disagree. Intense polarization makes both of these difficult, if not impossible. Second, maintaining integrity during a crisis means being able to non-anxiously express and live out your goals and values, even there is anxious hurting for everyone to agree.

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During the pandemic, the people who could do this were either deified or vilified. Think Anthony Fauci. That said, the best way through is when we have leaders who can do this. Finally, and this is a huge challenge, is the capacity of the system to produce self-differentiated leaders. In my view, this is the opposite of what is happening right now. There is groupthink and intense surrounding togetherness pressure on both the right the left. This produces the opposite of non-anxious leaders. Given these challenges, what can we do to challenge the regressive forces that are all around us? Let's get to that next. In A Failure of Nerve, Friedmann notes that societal regression is counter-evolutionary. That is, it's the opposite of progress for our species. He maintains that there are five evolutionary principles that drive progress. I'm going to break these down as leadership principles. The first principle of evolutionary progress is the self-regulation of the instinctual drive, which I understand to be the drive to survive. One example of this in nature is how species such as wolves regulate their aggressive instincts through ritualized dominance and submission. This avoids fighting to the death, which would threaten the species.

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In leadership terms, I think this means self regulation of the desire to be right and the desire to win. Non-anxious leaders are willing and able to put these things aside because they are focused on the mission. They can manage their own anxiety and allow for differences to coexist for the sake of finding the best possible path forward. They are able to manage the tension between self-definition and emotional connection, not just for themselves, but they also foster this for the systems they lead, whether that's a family, congregation, organization, organization, or even a country. The second principle of evolutionary progress is an adaptation to strength rather than weakness. For example, birds will often abandon weak offspring if resources are scarce or focus care on the healthier ones. This promotes the survival of the species, even if it seems cruel. I'm not suggesting that self-differentiated leaders are cruel, but I will say that this reflects Friedman's bias towards challenge over comfort. A non-anxious leader is willing and able to encourage the ability to face challenge rather than focusing on over functioning for the less mature and emotionally dependent. The third principle of evolutionary progress is a growth-producing response to challenge.

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This is a natural follow-up to number two. Non-anxiously leaning into challenge is more likely to increase resilience and capability. This may not always be the case, but when you are leading in a way that embraces challenge, not only are you likely to grow as a leader, the relationship system will also grow stronger. When you celebrate this, those you lead will be more likely to embrace challenge, that is, promote strength over comfort in the face of future challenges. Friedman's fourth principle is allowing time for maturing processes to evolve. Evolution, by its very nature, is a slow process. It took 5 million years from the emergence of the first walking primates until the advent of our own species, Homo sapiens. The main takeaway here for the non-anxious leader is the importance of avoiding the need for a quick fix to relieve one's pain and anxiety. Just knowing that the desire for a quick fix is a way that we manage our own anxiety is important. That self-awareness facilitates self-regulation and increases our ability to stay non-anxious in the face of the anxiety of others. This is essential when facing the inevitable sabotage that comes with change, challenge, and ultimately growth.

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The least mature will clamor for a quick fix because they can't manage their own anxiety. Maintaining a non-anxious presence, that is, remaining self-defined and emotionally emotionally connected gives the system a chance to grow stronger and more resilient. Remembering that this is a slow process can help you avoid a failure of nerve, and it won't take 5 million years. In some cases, I've seen it take less than a year for positive change to occur in the system. Even in difficult cases, when a system is really stuck, noticeable improvement can occur in a few years. That seems like a long time, but it's better than a lifetime of being stuck. Finally, the fifth evolutionary principle of progress is the preservation of individuality and integrity. In evolutionary terms, this promotes diversity in a species, which gives it the best chance of survival. Without it, A single major threat can wipe out the species. This emphasizes the importance of diversity of thought in any relationship system. This is the opposite of surrounding togetherness pressure. The healthier a system, the better able people are to say what they believe while giving others the freedom to disagree. This is helpful when extended family is trying to decide where to go out for dinner, but it's essential when facing a major challenge.

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Even though social that is, surrounding togetherness pressure, are important, it is the ability of a leader to think clearly and act calmly in the face of challenge and resistance that drives progress. This again highlights the importance of balancing both emotional connection and self-definition. Friedmann emphasized this in a failure of nerve when addressing the need for leadership in a chronically anxious society, that is, during a societal regression. He wrote, quote, Democrats democratic institutions have far more to fear from lack of self in their leaders and the license this gives to factualism, which is not the same as dissent, than from too much strength in the executive power. I'll point out that when he's talking about strength in executive power, he's not talking about narcissism. He's not talking about self-definition without emotional connection. He's talking about the strength that comes from self-differentiation when a leader can be a self and let others do the same. That's how progress occurs. So go be yourself. That's it for episode 335. You can connect with me at jack@christian-leaders.com and you can find more resources at thenonanxiousleaders.com. If you have found this episode helpful, please share it with someone who might benefit, and please leave a review on your podcast platform of choice. Thank you for your help. Until next time, go be yourself. Thank you for listening. If you found this episode helpful, there are two things you can do to help others find this podcast. First, tap the subscribe button on your podcast app, and second, leave a review. I appreciate your help. Finally, you can find more resources as well as subscribe to my blog at thenonanxiousleader. com. Now, go be yourself.