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Welcome to Episode 287 of The Non Anxious Leader Podcast. I'm Jack Shitama, and before we get into today's episode, if you are new to this podcast, I want to encourage you to go back and listen to some of the previous episodes, especially if you are new to family systems theory. I'll put a link in the show notes to the podcast page on my website. That's the nonanxiousleader.com podcast. There. I have a list of ten episodes that will bring you up to speed. And of course you can view the entire catalog and go back to the very beginning if you want to start from there. And if you're not subscribed to my two for Tuesday email newsletter, you can do so also at thenonxiousleader.com. or via the link in the show notes. Finally, if you have a question or an idea for a future episode, please feel free to email me at jack@christian-leaders.com. Now, without further ado, here is episode 287 of Family Systems take on the five stages of maturity.

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Robert Keegan, a developmental psychologist, proposed a model of adult development known as the orders of consciousness or stages of adult development, using the term maturity synonymously with adult development. And as you might guess, I also equate maturity with self differentiation. I should also note that while Keegan's work is widely cited, it's also been criticized as being overly simplistic as well as lacking in empirical support. I will leave these arguments to the professionals. My perspective is that I love any model that gets us looking at ourselves and how we function in relationship systems. I understand that models are just that, a way of explaining things. I take them with a grain of salt, but also look at them to see if they can improve my understanding of what makes us tick. That's why family systems theory is important to me, and why I like to unpack other research and family systems terms. Before I get into the five stages, it's important to highlight two concepts that are helpful to understanding Keegan's work. The first is transformation. This is Keegan's idea that how we understand and make sense of the world changes as we mature. This helps us to develop what Keegan calls mental complexity, which enables us to process our experiences in a complex and multidimensional way.

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The second concept is what Keegan calls the subject object relationship, and it is central to his theory of adult development. According to Keegan, the subjects are things that people are subject to, but not necessarily consciously aware of. These are things like beliefs, assumptions, and perspectives that inform how we interpret and interact with the world. In family systems terms, these are the norms that we inherit from our family of origin. An object is something that we are aware of and can take control of. When something moves from being subject to object, it means we are aware of it and can now examine it, reflect upon it, and possibly change it. The process of development, according to Keegan, involves changing something that we are subject to into an object that we can observe and change. It's a key aspect of personal growth and development. I would describe this as using self awareness to not only examine the norms that we inherit, but also to identify our reactive and adaptive responses to the world. Once we do this, we can self regulate those responses and then can choose to respond in ways that are consistent with our own goals and values.

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With that as background, let's get into Keegan's five stages of adult development, or as I have said, the five stages of maturity. Stage one is what Keegan calls the impulsive mind or the egocentric mind. This is where children are, but can also represent immature or undifferentiated adults who are mainly concerned with their own needs and desires. They have trouble being empathetic and struggle with impulse control. Their emotions and desires dictate how they understand and respond to the world around them. In family systems terms, stage one, people are highly reactive and emotionally dependent. As I mentioned, this is normal for a child, but it's not so healthy for an adult. Stage two is the imperial mind or ethnocentric mind. In this stage, people identify strongly with their social groups, such as family affinity groups, political parties, or even nations. They conform to the norms of whatever group or groups they identify with and often view outsiders with suspicion or even distrust. This makes them feel superior, and it makes it hard for them to understand or accept different cultures or those who disagree with them. In terms of human development, teenagers fit this category because peer group means everything in family systems terms.

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Because they don't recognize the surrounding togetherness pressure that their relationship systems create, they are not able to differentiate themselves in any meaningful way. Again, while it's normal for teenagers to act this way, this is not as mature for adults. So if we are stuck in this stage, we are not able to self differentiate. We're not able to differentiate ourselves from the groups that we are a part of. Keegan calls stage three the socialized mind or the world centric mind. People at this stage develop a greater capacity for empathy and don't necessarily follow the norms of their group. They also seek change for themselves and the world around them, but are still prone to influence from surrounding togetherness pressures. In family systems terms, they can still fall into the trap of defining themselves in relation to what others are thinking. You might say they've developed a greater sense of awareness about what is important to them, but may not be able to express that in healthy ways. Keegan claims that 58% of the adult population is at this stage. Stage four is the self authoring or inner centric mind. At this stage, individuals move from being subject to the world around them to a more objective view of that world.

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They develop an understanding of the systems in which they function and how they respond to them. For good or ill. This gives them the opportunity to change how they respond, since this stage also involves developing a strong sense of self and personal values, adults at this stage have been able to define their own beliefs and values apart from the relationship systems in which they function. Because of this, they were able to consciously assess what is going on around them and intentionally choose what is consistent with their goals and values. In short, they are self differentiating. They take responsibility for self without blaming others or taking responsibility for them. They can say what they believe while giving others the freedom to disagree. An interesting point here is that adults in the self authoring stage do not define their identity with their personality traits, emotions, opinions, thoughts and beliefs. They realize that these things are a function of how they developed in their family of origin and to a lesser extent, the other relationship systems that they are in. This enables them to be less of a subject and take a more objective view of whatever is happening.

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In a sense, they are able to be mindful and accept the present without judgment. Stage five is what Keegan calls the self transforming mind, or the integral or global centric mind. Individuals at this stage have a holistic worldview. They understand the complexity of the world and accept ambiguity, paradox, and multiple perspectives as normal. Because of this, they understand the need for constant growth and transformation. This fosters a willingness to embrace discomfort. Edwin Friedman wrote, and generation to generation, that leaders not only need to learn to embrace discomfort, they need to learn to love it. My interpretation of this is that leadership, by definition, involves change. If you're not seeking positive change, positive movement, you're not leading, you're managing. However, we know that change is uncomfortable and results in resistance from within and resistance from others. Learning to recognize that discomfort as a good thing is a part of becoming a non anxious leader. Learning to love it means that you aren't satisfied with maintaining the status quo. I equate this with a stage five adult. Further, stage five adults seek interconnectedness and interdependence. They understand that their own well being is connected to the well being of the world around them.

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In family systems terms, I understand this to mean that they are able to manage the tension between self definition and emotional connection. They understand that emotional connection matters, but it can't matter so much that they lose who they are. At the same time, they understand that it's important to be a self, but that can't be done in a vacuum. That emotional connection, that being connected to others is essential to being a healthy human being and to making a difference in the world. Stage five adults also realize that everyone has filters and frames of reference, including themselves. What's different is that they understand their own and are not captive to them. This is a high level of self awareness, and they know that because the world is complex, they don't believe that any particular perspective, approach, or attitude alone can represent all truth. In family systems terms, I see this as a continuation of the self differentiation we see in stage four. However, the practices of reflection, self awareness, and intentionality become even more important because at this stage, one is continually transforming their own thinking, goals, values, and approach to life. I'll note again that Keegan's model may be a bit simplistic and may not be backed by a lot of empirical research.

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That said, I found the model to be helpful in understanding the maturation process, which I equate with increasing self differentiation. For me, the big takeaway is that non anxious leaders are constantly learning and growing. Living into this means being able to examine your own feelings, thinking, and automatic responses, then embracing in the discomfort of acting intentionally to do things differently. When you do this with a sense of your connectedness to others and the world around you, you can make a difference in the world. That's it for episode 287. Don't forget that you can connect with me at the nonanxiousleader.com. you can email me at jack@christianleaders.com and if you have found this helpful, please leave a review and please share it with somebody who can also benefit. Until next time, thanks and goodbye.