[00:00:01.570]
Welcome to Episode 221 of the Non-Anxious Leader Podcast. I'm Jack Shitama. We are going to get right into the episode whose idea comes from an article I came across in Fast Company, 7 Common Qualities of Credible People by Gwen Moran. I'll put a link in the show notes. I've known for a long time that credibility is an important element of leadership. Ever since I read the book The Speed of Trust, the One Thing That Changes Everything by Stephen M. R. Covey, in that book, Covey writes, Trust is the one thing that changes everything. The lack of it can bring down governments, cripple businesses, and destroy relationships. Conversely, when cultivated, it has the potential to bring unparalleled effectiveness. The ability to establish, grow, extend, and restore trust with all stakeholders is the key leadership competency of the new global economy. Moran's Fast Company article is based on research by Barry Z.Poesner, who is Leadership Professor at Santa Clara University, and James M. Kouzes, who is a fellow of Rice University's Door Institute for New Leaders. In the article, Poesner says, If you don't believe the messenger, you won't believe the message. He calls credibility, or what I would say, the ability to build trust, the first law of leadership. He notes that this is even more true today because oftentimes if we believe the messenger, we're going to believe the message even if it's not true. Conversely, if we don't believe the messenger, we won't believe the message even if it is true. This is why credibility and the ability to build trust are so important when you are trying to lead, especially in anxious systems. The first characteristic of credible people is that they are competent. Now, this may seem obvious, but one interesting thing that the research has shown is that in the workplace, we are judged on our communication skills by those who report to us, but on our performance by those that supervise us. What this says is that competence is somewhat in the eye of the beholder. And of course, it's important as a leader to be competent.

[00:02:57.710]
We need to be able to get things done and get them done effectively. But if we are building teams that are going to lead change, then we have to be able to communicate with them because that's how they are going to judge competence. From a family system standpoint, this means that we need to be able to self define. We need to be able to know our own goals and values, the missional goals and values, and to be able to articulate them in healthy ways. This also means that there has to be some element of connection in that self definition. And of course, that is what leadership through self differentiation is. It is self definition and connection held in healthy balance. The second characteristic of a credible person, a credible leader is they keep their word. This is the definition of being trustworthy. And what the researchers say is that this involves discovering yourself. As they put it, knowing what's important to you so that you can articulate it. Then once you articulate it, listening to yourself so that you can make sure that you're not saying one thing and doing another. Since self differentiation is being able to express your own goals and values in a healthy way in the midst of surrounding togetherness pressure, keeping your word is about self definition.

[00:04:24.890]
It's about knowing who you are and what you are about and then being able to say it and do it. This leads to the third characteristic of credible people, which is they value accountability. Being able to hold someone accountable in a healthy way is the ability to be a non anxious presence. An interesting thing that the article also notes, though, is that accountability includes recognizing positive performance, that is, praising people when they do things well. And of course, that fosters healthy emotional connection. This leads to the fourth characteristic of credible people, which is they connect with others. This is obviously about emotional connection, but it also involves a certain amount of emotional intelligence. The article quotes Executive Coach Carol Kaufman, who says that effective leaders go beyond the golden rule "The golden rule is treat others as you would want to be treated. But to be truly credible, you want to treat others the way they would want to be treated." This takes a certain amount of social awareness to understand what makes another tick and to be able to connect with them in ways that foster positive connection. Remember that being able to self define, being able to know your own goals and values, being able to focus on the mission of the organization and then communicate those things in healthy ways is extremely important.

[00:05:56.960]
But without emotional connection, anxiety in the system will increase. And so this understanding of being able to connect with others in the way that they want to be connected with is a crucial element of being a non anxious leader. The fifth characteristic of credible people is related to this, and that is they care. They have the best interests of the other at heart and are able to form deep emotional connections because they actually do care. They're just not playing a game to try to ry to create emotional connection for their own purposes. One of the things I learned in leading a camp and retreat ministry for 23 years was that genuinely having an interest in what is in the best interests of the people on our team actually fostered greater commitment. This was especially true when they were able to take time off to take care of their family or to be at a child's school event or to do whatever they needed to do to keep their life in balance and to keep their own best interests at the center of what they do. I found that when that was the case, and then you asked them to really bear down on something where we needed to work long hours or to really dig in and try to solve some difficult challenge, they were fully committed to doing that.

[00:07:20.980]
Again, this wasn't showing caring to manipulate their commitment. It was just showing caring because that is the right thing to do. I believe that's what non anxious leaders are able to do. The sixth characteristic of a credible leader is that they are open to new ideas. When we say something like, I may be wrong, but this is what I believe, or you don't have to agree with me, but this is what I believe. We are communicating what we believe while giving others the freedom to disagree. We are creating healthy emotional space. In the best sense, when we are doing this, we are saying that we are open to what others have to say because our minds might be changed. We might actually hear something that shifts our position or shifts our thinking, and that's important as a leader. We never want to get so locked in to what we believe that we lose sight of doing what is actually in the best interests of the organization, in the best interests of the mission of the ministry that we serve. I've said this before, but it's important to note that even when reactive people define us, even when they take out their anxiety on us, they may actually be saying something that we may need to hear.

[00:08:38.220]
That doesn't mean we want to engage in a conflict of wills. It doesn't mean that we want to be adaptive and give in. But it does mean we need to be open to what is driving other people's emotions, what is driving their thinking, what is driving their resistance, because oftentimes we may hear things that we need to hear to help us to make the best decisions possible and to lead effective change. The seventh characteristic of credible leaders is they know what to do when they blow it. This is all about taking responsibility for yourself. As the article notes, that credible people own their mistakes and they figure out what to do to make them right. It suggests that when you make a mistake, you want to own up to it, you want to apologize, and you want to try to make it right as soon as possible. Furthermore, it's important to let the other know what you've done to try to make things right. Then as the article suggests, give yourself a little grace. This helps you balance accountability, taking responsibility for self with self compassion. It enables you to move forward in healthy ways because you own up to what you've done, but you don't beat yourself up for it.

[00:09:59.280]
The article closes with this quote, which I think is really important "Building credibility is an important part of gaining trust, and trust grows more valuable as it becomes increasingly scarce." I think about all the divisions we have in our society and the divisions that we have in the church. I think about the fracturing of my own denomination, the United Methodist Church, and we need non anxious leaders who are credible. We need leaders who can build trust. So understanding how it's done and understanding how self-differentiation is foundational for being a trustworthy leader is an important competency that we need to have in these difficult times. That's it for Episode 221. You can connect with me at thenonanxiousleader.com. You can find the transcript at thenonanxiousleader.com/221, and you can email me at jack@christian-leaders.com. And one last request, if you find this podcast helpful, please share it with somebody else that you think it might help as a leader as well. Until next time, thanks and goodbye.