[00:00:34.230] - Speaker 2
Welcome to episode 170 of The Non-Anxious Leader Podcast. I'm Jack Shitama. We're going to get right into today's episode, which focuses on mirror neutrons. Yawning is contagious. One theory has to do with these so called mirror neurons in your brain and nervous system. I say so called because there are two kinds of neurons, motor neurons and sensory neurons. Motor neurons are connected to executing certain actions like picking up an object, walking, or writing. Movement involves your muscles, and motor neurons deliver signals from the brain to muscles and glands to make that happen. The other kind of neuron is a sensory neuron. Sensory neurons work in the opposite direction. They deliver signals such as pain or temperature from a receptor to your brain. Mirror neurons have both a sensory and a motor component. They were discovered in 1996 when a team led by Italian scientist Giacomo Rizzolatti and Vittorio Gallese were observing monkey brains using imaging technology. They discovered that certain cells in the brain activated when a monkey performed an action and when that same monkey watched another monkey perform the same action. It's this mirror neuron that makes us yawn when we see someone else yawn, it produces a pucker.

[00:02:02.770] - Speaker 2
When you see someone eat a lemon, it brings tears to your eyes during a sad movie and elicits laughter when someone else laughs. Many scientists who study mirror neurons believe they are essential to human empathy, but this is not universally held. But according to Rizalati, "We are social beings. Our survival depends on our understanding the actions, intentions and emotions of others. Mirror neurons allow us to understand other people's mind not only through conceptual reasoning, but through imitation, feeling, not thinking." The idea here is that mirror neurons help us to simulate other people's intentions and emotions. Instead of our brains logically interpreting what's going on with others, we actually feel what they are feeling. This has its downsides because the mirror neurons can create what is called emotional empathy and result in empathic distress. When someone else is going through a difficult time, we may actually take on the distress of that situation ourselves. The closer we are to them, the more likely this is. If you are a parent and you've had a child go through a really difficult time, then you may have experienced empathic distress. The less self differentiated we are, the more prone we will be to empathic distress because we have a harder time defining where we end and another begins this togetherness, pressure and our own mirror neurons will make it more difficult to let another face their own challenges.

[00:03:37.290] - Speaker 2
When it gets to be too much, we'll either rush in to try to fix the situation, or it will disconnect because we can't take it anymore. Neither is helpful. The challenge is to let someone else face their own difficulties while remaining emotionally connected. That's what it means to be a nonanxious presence. And there is an upside to mirror neurons for the nonanxious leader, and that is the power of the nonanxious presence when other people are anxious. A nonanxious presence is a calming influence when life is filled with disruption and uncertainty, like during a pandemic. A non-anxious presence doesn't have all the answers, but their very demeanor gives them and those they lead the best chance to figure things out. There are two parts to being a nonanxious presence. The first is to be not anxious. I say this a lot, but it's worth repeating. You will still feel anxious inside. It's the ability to self regulate and maintain perspective that enables you to manage your anxiety so that others experience you as non-anxious, which leads to the presence part of the nonanxious presence. Not only do others experience you as not anxious, there is also emotional connection.

[00:05:00.250] - Speaker 2
You are emotionally present. People feel they're not alone. Now, I'm not a scientist, and I can't prove that mirror neurons transmit a nonanxious presence from one person to the next. But my experience is when you remain a nonanxious presence, people get less anxious, think more clearly, and are more resilient that's the power of a nonanxious presence. Presence matters in generation to generation family process. In Church and synagogue, Edwin Friedman shares a situation where a Rabbi came into his Sunday school one morning, and I do mean Sunday school for some reason. In generation to generation, Freedman writes Sunday school for the synagogue. But anyway, the Rabbi came into Sunday school one morning, and the teachers, parents, and religious school principal were extremely upset because an eleven year old had transliterated the English word for feces into its equivalent, Hebrew phonetics. There was already tension in the air because there was an important celebration that day, and this wasn't helping things. Side note here. Note the triangle that's going on. The leaders in the Church are anxious about the celebration, and the child who has misbehaved can be a focus for their anxiety. It can be a way for them to vent their anxiety without having to deal with it.

[00:06:29.170] - Speaker 2
The Rabbi maintained a nonanxious presence. In fact, he got playful. He happened to notice that the child had spelled the word incorrectly using a long vowel instead of a short one. Presumably, this would mean that the word pronounced in Hebrew phonetically would be shite and not well, you know. The Rabbi scolded the child for not paying attention to the phonetic details and told him he could only join the day's festivities. After he had spelled it correctly 100 times, everyone relaxed and the celebration carried the day. This is the power of a nonanxious presence. You may not always be able to be playful but you can do your best to lighten up and loosen up. Even a smile instead of a frown can make a difference in anxious situations. Both are contagious thanks to mirror neurons. But a smile is more contagious than a frown and it can help reduce the anxiety in the moment. While a frown is likely to increase it don't underestimate the power of your nonanxious presence. It is one of the most important things you can do as a leader, especially during challenging times like these. That's it for episode 170.

[00:07:49.030] - Speaker 2
It was a brief one but just like my sermons, I'm told that people like these podcasts because they are short. Anyway, you can connect with me at thenonanxiousleader.com. You can get the transcript for this episode at thenonanxiousleader.com/170 until next time. Thanks and goodbye.