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Welcome to Episode 131 of the Non-Anxious Leader Podcast I'm Jack Shitama, and today we are going to get right into what to do when you are wrong as a non-anxious leader.

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At my first board meeting as a new camp director in 2000, one of our board members, a pastor from Liberia, said that when he looked at our brochure for summer camp, he did not see anyone who looked like him. Then he asked a very pointed question, how do we expect to reach a more diverse population if what we put out looks like this? He was passionate but not blaming, and I found his observation helpful and it has had a tremendous impact on me over the last two decades.

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It was easy not to get defensive about this particular constructive criticism because I was not responsible for designing the most recent brochure, it had been done before I had arrived. Of course, even if I had been responsible for the brochure, the most important thing about being a non-anxious leader is to not react defensively, not to get into a conflict of wills, not to become argumentative, but to hear what someone else has to say and accept it without judgment.

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In fact, our board had a good discussion of what this might look like. And as I said, it influenced how I approached our publicity and our promotional materials from that point on. In case you are not aware, Christian Summercamp or Christian camping, as it is called, has its roots in an explosion of camps and mainline denominations in the mid 20th century and has been a white middle class experience for the most part. As I mentioned, what I learned from this board member gave me a perspective that guided how I looked at our promotional materials for the next two decades whenever we were designing anything, whether it was a brochure, a postcard, a bulletin insert or anything else, I was looking to make sure that the people we represented were from as broad and ethnic and cultural perspective as possible.

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Very early on, this meant being very intentional, that whenever we had an ethnic camper, I would ask our staff to make sure we got pictures of them having a great time and experiencing God inspired life changing experiences. It actually became a joke among our staff that that's all I cared about. And of course it wasn't, but it was a high priority. I believe it's because this priority as well as some other programs that we put in place over the years that in 2019, which was the last year we had Summercamp, we had nearly 20 percent ethnic representation in our camper population.

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This was up from less than one percent in 2000. So in two decades we had made significant progress. Of course, one mistake can wipe out much of the goodwill that had been built up over the years. Every year, our region of our denomination holds a conference, we call Annual Conference, and we normally make a presentation to update people on the status of our ministry. This year, we were asked to do a five five-minuteminute video because annual conference was virtual.

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What we put together focused on how God provided to get us through a period where we had little to no actual operating income. As you can imagine, this last year and the pandemic drastically reduced our ability to hold programs where people can gather in person, whether they are children, youth or adults. And even when we were allowed to gather, there were many people who still did not feel safe doing so. We used the video to thank the churches and individual donors that supported us over the last year and to highlight that we were able to keep our core staff intact, that we did not have to lay anybody off.

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We had a variety of members from our staff who spoke on camera and we had a testimony from one camper from 2019 who was coming back to work on staff in 2021. There was one problem, none of the speakers on the video were African-American. We are not a large staff to begin with and only one of our management team is black. This particular person is shy, and I wasn't going to force them to speak on camera. There was a picture in the video that showed all of our staff, but it wasn't up long enough for people to notice that our staff is not all white.

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It's not as diverse as I'd like it to be, but we are working on that, too, just like we have been working on having a more diverse camper population. When I reviewed the final cut before submitting the video, I did notice that there was not the kind of diversity we normally show. I said to myself, this is an unusual time in the life of our ministry. We are not talking about our campers and guests not showing any pictures of them except for the one video testimony.

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There was a little nagging in the back of my mind, likely the Holy Spirit, but then I convinced myself it's going to be OK. Boy, was I wrong. I received an email from a clergy colleague less than four hours after that video had been shown at our virtual annual conference. Here is what it said. Usually I am quiet and reserved and only speak when I have something constructive to offer. I saw your presentation today and was very disappointed.

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Why was I disappointed? I'm disappointed because there were zero individuals of color represented. I am sure you could have found one picture with a camper of color to show the diversity of Camp Pecometh. Imagine my surprise when individuals were encouraged to make donations call to say they will not be sending the agreed upon donation to support campers. It seems to those of us looking on that as director, you have no intention of ensuring inclusiveness at Camp Pecometh. As you can imagine, this was one of those anxious moments when I needed to think really clearly about how to respond.

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My first instinct was to explain what I explained in this podcast and that this was not a usual thing and that we did have a picture of our staff which showed that we do have African-Americans on staff. But my first instinct is usually wrong. I realized that this would only create a conflict of wills. As you know, a conflict of wills occurs when you try to convince somebody else of your own rightness and they do the same and it ends up creating more anxiety.

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It ends up creating more tension. It ends up creating a stalemate where the focus then is on who is right and who is wrong and not how to move forward. I also knew in this case that what this person had written was not wrong. It was laced with a bit of anxiety and did define me by saying that I had no interest in inclusiveness. But what I had to focus on was how do I respond? How do I avoid a conflict of wills?

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How do I take responsibility for the mistake that I did make and try to figure out a way to move forward? This is what Non-anxious leaders do. I was going to wait until the next day. I received this in the evening. But actually, right before I went to bed, it became clear to me what I needed to respond. So I responded. It was about two and a half hours after the email and here's my response. I take full responsibility for this and will not make excuses.

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It's my mistake. The only thing I will promise is that we will do better in the future. We have gone from almost no black indigenous person of color campers when I arrived in 2000 to nearly 20 percent in 2019. I will work to prevent this mistake from setting us back. Thanks for your feedback. I knew it was important to own my mistake, as I mentioned, there was that nagging feeling, likely the Holy Spirit before I submitted the video, telling me to do it differently, correct the mistake I had made, but I did not.

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And so what I knew I had to do was own the mistake. I needed to say no excuses. I'm the one responsible. The buck stops with me. So I'm the one who needs to own up to it. I did want to slip in there that we had made great progress in the last two decades, but I wanted to do it in a way that didn't make it seem like I was trying to write off the mistake that I made, but only to say that we had made great progress and I'm going to work to not allow what I did my mistake to send us backward.

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I was hoping by phrasing the response in this way and by taking responsibility that this would avoid a conflict of wills. I have not heard back from this colleague, but I know I will see them again at some point. So I will wait until I see them at another time and ask them how they're doing. Apologize again and try to remain a non-anxious presence. I don't feel the need to chase them down and say, Did you get my response? What do you think?

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I know they got my response and this will allow them to think about whether or not they think my response is acceptable, whether they do or not. I believe that at least I have a chance of maintaining my relationship with that colleague. But there was another twist that also created some anxiety for me. We had an event here recently at the camp and I knew our board president was going to be there. I also knew that this board president knew the colleague that had written the email to me.

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So when I was in the company of the board member, I was feeling anxious because I was waiting for the issue to be brought up. But rather than wait, the way I dealt with my anxiety was to try to be proactive. So I shared with the board president the email that I had received and that I had made a mistake, that it was my responsibility, and that I had assured the sender of the email that it won't happen again.

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The president told me that she had heard from other colleagues with a similar complaint, but she was very gracious and accepting of my promise to do better. Of course, I could have handled this differently. I didn't need to be so proactive, but I've learned over the years that for me that is the best way for me to deal with my own anxiety. I don't want to be sitting around waiting for the other shoe to drop. I just rather lean into it and get it over with.

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Your approach may be different, but I believe there is one thing that is in common for Non-anxious leaders, and that is to take responsibility for yourself to own it and then remain a non-anxious presence. If you can do that, if you can avoid a conflict of wills and own what you did as well as remaining non-anxious presence, you'll find that even though it is difficult, you will be able to navigate this in a way where you can move forward.

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This is what Non-anxious leaders do. That's it for Episode 131, I want to let you know I'm back on Instagram. You can follow me at Jack Shitama, all one word and if you want to connect with me, otherwise, you can go to thenonanxiousleader.com. I'd love to hear about your own situations. Maybe something you want me to use for an episode or just share with me your comments and questions until next time. Thanks and goodbye.