I love my morning routine. It’s how I ground myself spiritually, exercise and get my most important work done. It pains me when it gets interrupted.

Last week, I was all set to dig into a big project and the power went out. Unfortunately, I needed the internet to get my work done. I thought about my options. I could try to hook up to my cell phone hotspot, but the signal is weak where I live. I could try to pivot to something else. I was feeling stressed.

Then a phrase my mom would often use when I was growing up came to mind: Shou ga nai (pronounced show-gah-nye).

This Japanese phrase, which my mom always translated as, “It can’t be helped,” enabled me to relax and think clearly. There was nothing I could do about the power outage. The only question was how I would respond. My morning run was next on my list, so that’s what I decided to do. When I got back the power was still out, but by the time I cooled down it was restored.

I realized that this phrase was a big part of how my mom taught me to be a non-anxious presence.

She’s been through a lot in her 101 years, including the Great Depression and an atomic bomb. Her story is amazing. You can learn about it in this interview she did with CBS Mornings.

A big part of self-differentiation is knowing what you can control and what you can’t and only focusing on the former. It helps avoid a lot of unnecessary anxiety.

This attitude is captured well in Reinhold Neibuhr’s Serenity Prayer. You are probably familiar with the first few lines, but I’m including the entire prayer here.

God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
Living one day at a time,
enjoying one moment at a time;
accepting hardship as a pathway to peace;
taking, as Jesus did,
this sinful world as it is,
not as I would have it;
trusting that You will make all things right
if I surrender to Your will;
so that I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with You forever in the next.

Amen.

Shou ga nai. Words to live by.