The Lord passed before him, and proclaimed, ‘”The Lord, the Lord, a God merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness, keeping steadfast love for the thousandth generation, forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin, yet by no means clearing the guilty, but visiting the iniquity of the parents upon the children and the children’s children, to the third and the fourth generation.”
Exodus 34: 6-7 (NRSV)
This passage is part of the second giving of the ten commandments. In the first, God provided two tablets and wrote on them. But while Moses was with God on the mountain, the people got anxious because Moses was delayed. They talked Aaron into making a god that would be with them. He collected their gold jewelry and fashioned a golden calf, which they worshipped. The Bible describes the people as running wild. When Moses came down from the mountain, he was so angry, he threw the tablets down and broke them at the foot of the mountain.
In family systems terms, there’s a whole lot going on here. The Israelites got anxious because they felt an emotional disconnection from their leader, Moses. So they triangled Aaron to do something about it. Aaron responded adaptively and does what is asked. Moses comes back and responds reactively and smashes the tablets.
This is not only a realistic portrayal of what can happen when people feel uncertainty and impatience because their leader is either absent or not providing the answers they want (or both), but it also shows how anxious leaders can make things worse.
It’s also great storytelling because God’s whole plan for the Israelites to be God’s people hangs in the balance. Because Aaron gives in to the people, and Moses can’t regulate his anger, the fate of God’s law, the Ten Commandments, is uncertain.
Fortunately, God is a God of grace. But the second time, Moses has to bring his own tablets. God will still write on them, but God’s not going to supply another set.
What is significant about this encounter is the explicit nature of God’s grace. Despite the transgression of an entire people. God will forgive and continue to love God’s people. The Hebrew word for love, “hesed,” is best translated “steadfast love.” It is God’s desire to sustain faithfulness to the Israelites even when they are disobedient. If you’ve ever loved someone unconditionally, you can relate to the steadfast love of God.
But here is the hard part. While God loves and forgives to the 1000th generation, God also visits one’s iniquity to the third and fourth generation. And the term “visits” is best translated as “punish.”
Now I don’t believe that God goes around actively punishing families for the sins of their forbears. What I do believe is that there is a consequence for iniquity and that consequence can be suffered for generations to come.
The best example in the Bible is David. The shepherd boy who became king. We know from 2 Samuel 11 that David abused his power as king in the most horrible of ways. He sexually assaulted Bathsheba, who was married, getting her pregnant. He then tried to cover it up, ultimately seeing to it that Bathsheba’s husband, Uriah, was killed on the battlefield. David didn’t actually draw the sword, but he was the one responsible for Uriah’s death.
After being confronted by the prophet Nathan, he is told, “The sword shall never depart from your house.” (2 Sam [12:10]).
Nathan’s prophecy was fulfilled. From generation to generation, David’s descendants used violence to try to maintain power, even killing each other. The consequence of sin can be transmitted in families from generation to generation. We certainly know this to be true in cases of abuse, whether physical, sexual, emotional or substance abuse. This can also be true in the case of criminal or immoral behavior.
As the saying goes, “The apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”
I want to suggest that God’s proclamation in Exodus 34 is not a statement of intent. It’s a statement of consequence. God is not saying God will be active in punishing every family for their sin from generation to generation. God is saying that the consequence of sin doesn’t just impact those around us, it impacts future generations.
Here is the important part. We can be innocent victims of sin, transgression, iniquity and dysfunction, and it can still have its consequences.
And more importantly, sin, iniquity and dysfunction CAN BE, but DON’T HAVE TO BE transmitted from generation to generation. One self-differentiated person can break the cycle of intergenerational transmission.
You can be that person.
Questions for Reflections
- What unhealthy patterns have been transmitted from generation to generation in your family of origin?
- How does this impact people of current generations?
What could you do differently to break the cycle?
