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Welcome to episode 282 of The Non-Anxious Leader Podcast. I'm Jack Shitama. We are going to get right into today's episode. If you haven't listened to part one of this series, I encourage you to go back and do that first. I compare Zen principles and family systems theory, not because they are connected in any way, but because I believe Zen has a certain wisdom that resonates with the ability to be a non-anxious presence. In part one, I covered the first three of the four noble truths in Zen Buddhism. They are, one, suffering is an inherent part of human existence. Two, the cause of suffering is craving or desire and attachment. Number three, it's possible to overcome suffering by letting go of craving, desire, and attachment. Of course, the question is, how do you let go of attachment? How do you let go of craving and desire?

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My sense is that if you can do that, it makes it easier to be a non-anxious presence. This leads to the fourth noble truth, which is the subject of today's episode. The fourth noble truth is to engage in the practices of the eightfold path. Now, ironically for me, this is a methodical approach to freedom from suffering. I say ironically because my own denomination, the United Methodist Church, was founded by John and Charles Wesley, who were so methodical about their spiritual disciplines that they were pejoratively called Methodists, the name stuck. In many ways, I see parallels between what the Wesley's called the means of grace, that is, these spiritual practices which aren't grace themselves, but when we practice them, make God's grace available to us, and this so-called eightfold path of Zen Buddhist practices, which help one grow towards what Buddhist call enlightenment. That's my own observation, and you may think differently. Anyway, let's get into the elements of the eightfold path. The first is right view, with right being R-I-G-H-T as in correct, right view. This is the ability to see things as they are, that is, without bias or misconception. The idea here is that this leads to understanding and compassion rather than suffering and delusion.

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Having the right view involves accepting impermanence, which is the concept that change is inevitable and that attachment to the way things are will lead to suffering. In family systems theory, the concept of homeostasis is that the system will automatically respond to change with mechanisms to return to the previous equilibrium. Self-differentiation involves learning to accept that change and to live into the discomfort. The right view also involves seeing the interconnectedness of all things, which leads to compassion and empathy. When someone gets reactive with you and you realize that it has more to do with their own suffering and not about you, it makes it easier to have compassion and empathy, which makes it easier to be a non-anxious presence. Everything is interconnected. Two Zen practices help foster the right view, and to me, resonate with family systems theory. One is mindful reflection, that is accepting things without judgment, and this makes it easier to have the right view. In family systems terms, this means looking at things in terms of the relationship system to better understand your own functioning as well as the functioning of others. The second practice is compassionate interaction, and that is approaching others from a place of understanding and compassion, which is informed by an understanding of interconnectedness and impermanence.

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This is emotional connection at its best. It's showing you care for others while letting them remain a self. The second element of the eightfold path is right intention, also known as right thought. This is a commitment to cultivate mental and ethical self-improvement. This involves mindful decision making, regular self-reflection, and compassionate communication. To me, this is the essence of helpful practices that help one grow in self-differentiation. Responding to anxious situations as a non-anxious presence is difficult unless you take time to reflect on your own functioning, to do your own work. Reflecting on difficult situations helps you to determine what you did well and not so well. So you can do better the next time. It also helps you to prepare so you can be more intentional in responding to similar situations in the future. Like right intention, it is a commitment to grow as a non-anxious presence. The third path is right speech. This is speaking truthfully, kindly, and effectively. It involves mindful listening, reflecting before speaking, and responding compassion rather than harshly. In family systems terms, this is self-regulation and mindfulness. It's interrupting your reactivity, observing what is happening non-judgmentally, and then responding in a non-anxious way.

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The goal of right speech is to foster trust and respect. This can be hard to do in difficult situations, but the best path forward is as a non-anxious presence. The fourth element of the eight path is right action. This is acting in ways that are moral, ethical, and not harmful. While family systems doesn't tend to focus on morals, my assumption is that non-anxious leaders have a moral compass that guides their goals and values. In terms of practice, a key component of right action is respecting boundaries. In family systems terms, this reminds me of what Edwin Friedmann wrote, which is, Self differentiation is knowing where I end and another begins. Or another way to say that is it's taking responsibility for self without taking responsibility for others. It's respecting boundaries in a healthy way. The fifth path is right livelihood, making your living ethically, honestly, and harm-free. This emphasizes the interconnectedness of all things. This is another area that does not have a direct correlation to family system's theory. However, my own experience is that the best leaders have a sense of the common good. They're able to balance self-definition with emotional connection by focusing on the mission of the relationship system, whether that's a family organization, or congregation.

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In other words, it's an understanding that nothing occurs in a vacuum and everything we do impacts others in the system. The sixth element of the Eightfold Path is right effort. This is about cultivating a positive mind. It involves being mindful of your mental state and working to maintain positive thoughts and emotions. In other words, it involves self-awareness and intentionality, two practices that I contend are essential to self-differentiation. Zen emphasizes the importance of self-reflection, and that right effort is a journey towards mastering one's own mind. Likewise, self-differentiation is a journey towards mastering one's own emotional functioning, and it is a life's work. The seventh element of the Eightfold Path is right mindfulness. This is about being fully present in the moment. It involves being able to see beyond your own preconceived notions and emotional reactions. The goal is to strengthen that ability through meditation so that in the course of daily living, you can observe your emotions as they arise and understand what is going on without clinging to them. A non-anxious presence is fully present for themselves and those they interact with. They're aware of what's going on and are able to self-regulate those emotions, those reactions, so that they can act with integrity in the moment of choice.

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Finally, the eighth element of the eight-fold path is right concentration. I would describe as the pinnacle of the eight-fold path as it leads to a deeper understanding of reality and oneself. In some sense, it is the ability to detach from the emotions and assumptions that prevent us from seeing things as they are. I may be wrong about this, but that's how I understand it. Right concentration is all about practice with deep breathing and mindfulness meditation at its core. I liken it to developing the ability to be a non-anxious presence through certain practices. It uses physical practices to develop the ability to interrupt our automatic emotions and reactions. It is self-regulation at its best, but then that leads to self-differentiation because we can act in line with our principles, with our values, with our goals. The similarities between Zen Buddhism and self-differentiation are helpful to me. Zen gets toward being a non-anxious through certain practices. As you probably know, self-differentiation begins with family of origin work but can be aided by these types of practices. I'm for anything that can help me do that. That's it for episode 282. You can find my work at thenonanxiousleader.com. You can subscribe to my For Tuesday email newsletter there or through a link in the show notes. And you can email me at jack-christianleaders.com with any questions, comments, or ideas for future episodes. And if you found this helpful, I would really appreciate it if you share it with a friend and if you leave a review on your podcast platform of choice. Until next time. Thanks and goodbye.