(00:00)
Welcome to episode 275 of The Non-Anxious Leader Podcast. I'm Jack Shitama. Before we get into today's episode, I have a couple of exciting announcements, at least I think they are exciting. First of all, the Jenny Brown Book Study. A book study on Jenny Brown's book, Growing Yourself Up, starts in The Non-Anxious Leader Network on May 14th. It's free to join and participate It's led by our non-anxious leader network team of Brian Ivory, Lisa Reardon, Dave Mullen, and Mike McDonald. The study focuses on Jenny Brown's book, Growing Yourself Up, which is a highly accessible understanding of family systems theory. If you want to deepen your understanding, this is a must. Jenny Brown is the founder of the Family Systems Institute in Sydney, Australia, and has done extensive work on family systems theory, helping therapists and congregational leaders. The study will run every Tuesday night for seven straight nights, beginning May 14th.

(01:39)
Each night, it will start at 07:00 PM Eastern Daylight Time. It will conclude on June 18th. I will put a link to more information in the show notes. If you're already a member of the Non-Anxious Leader Network, you can just look under Courses for the Jenny Brown Book Study. My second announcement is I was recently interviewed by Chris Barris and his son, Declan Barris. They have a podcast called Minding the Gap, which helps you close the gap between who you are and who you want to be. I met Chris in the Friedman's Failure of Nerve Book Study in the Non-Anxious Leader Network. And he and Declan drove up from the Commonwealth of Virginia to my home state of Maryland to interview me. That episode of Minding the Gap recently dropped, and I will put a link to it in the show notes. And finally, remember, you can connect with me at thenonanxiousleader.com, and you can email me at jack@christian-leaders.com. Now, without further ado, here is episode 275, A Family System's Take on Daniel Goldman's 6 Leadership Style. Daniel Goldman was best known for developing the concept of emotional intelligence. In the year 2000, he published an article in the Harvard Business Review, Leadership That Gets Results, in which he outlined six leadership styles and when to use each one.

(03:09)
I got the idea for this episode when HBR recently published an article that summarizes Goldman's six styles. I'll put a link to both articles in the show notes, although you may hit a paywall. The first of Goldman's six leadership styles is the coercive leadership style. According to Goldman, this is the least effective. It's a top-down, authoritarian, my way or the highway approach. From a family system standpoint, it's easy to see why it's the least effective because it's likely to result in a conflict of wills. Even if it doesn't, there will be more subtle resistance or pushback. Nobody likes to be told what to do. This style is all about self-definition and leaves little emotional space for others to self-define. That said, there may be sometimes where a coercive style is appropriate. For example, in a crisis or emergency, or I can think of in the heat of battle in a military situation. But in the long run, this style will be detrimental if it's used consistently. Goldman's second leadership style is the authoritative leadership style. This is not what it seems. It's not authoritarian, which is more like a coercive style. Neither is it micromanaging.

(04:28)
In fact, it's the opposite. In this style, the leader connects the team to the mission so they can understand how their day-to-day work contributes to a greater purpose. It involves setting clear guidelines and trusting that the team will work toward a shared vision with autonomy and creativity. According to the article, authoritative leadership is the most effective and inspiring style. From a family system's perspective, this is leadership through self-definition. It's knowing your goals goals and values. It's aligning them with the mission of the organization and then expressing it in a healthy way, saying, This is where I believe we should go while giving people the freedom to follow. It's about defining self and not others. It's about creating healthy emotional space, holding the balance between self-definition and emotional connection. The authoritative leadership style is useful in multiple situations, especially where there is change change or uncertainty. The mission is the compass, and the team knows that their efforts will sometimes move in the right direction and will other times need correction. It gives them the freedom to learn from their mistakes. As I noted, this is leadership through self-differentiation, and if you have to choose a style to use as your baseline, then this would be it, knowing that you may ne ed to adapt when necessary.

(05:55)
Goldman's third leadership style is the pace setting leadership style. This style holds yourself and others to high standards. It's a double-edged sword. It's good to strive for excellence, but if it results in perfectionism, a focus on failures instead of success, and a constant push for productivity, then this style can create a highly stressful environment. In family systems terms, this is leading through surrounding togetherness pressure. The leader sets the standards and everyone has to meet them. While it may not be coercive, it will tend to obscure the mission because the focus is so much on individual results. It is more likely to burn people out because of the constant stress of having to conform to the standards without being able to define self. The pace-setting leadership style is seldom appropriate, but it might be used in cases where the work is exacting and the team is highly motivated and competent, such as research and development or legal projects. Even so, the article recommends ends balancing this with other approaches to avoid burnout. For example, perhaps there are certain aspects where high standards are appropriate, but there are other aspects where an authoritative style creates a shared vision while giving people the freedom to set their own standards.

(07:16)
The important point is if the pay-setting leadership style is the only style you use, you can expect people to burn out. Goldman's fourth leadership style It is the affiliative leadership style. As you might guess, this style focuses on emotional connection. It's about building bonds to create camaraderie and a supportive environment. It emphasizes belonging and encourages others to share ideas and feedback as they work towards common goals. From a family system's perspective, this style does create healthy emotional connection. Where it can fall short is if the leader is unable to take healthy stance, either to emphasize vision, direction, and purpose, or when performance issues need to be addressed. In fact, the article suggests that an affiliative style and the inspirational authoritative style can be combined to offer support and direction. I read that as the leader balancing emotional connection and self-definition. Goldman's fifth leadership style is the democratic leadership style. This style emphasizes giving the team a voice place in decision making through gathering input as well as listening to concerns and diverse perspectives. People feel valued, giving them a sense of ownership and responsibility. Though the article doesn't say this, it implies that the leader is still the decider.

(08:47)
This is not about developing consensus, which gives power to the most resistant. In situations such as a church council where there is a vote, it's important for you as the leader to define your position without demanding others agree. This allows for a democratic style while reducing anxiety because a relationship system always wants to know where the leader stands. You help everybody know where you stand while giving them the freedom to vote based on their own leading. That's a good thing. The article notes that this style is best when you're uncertain about the best course of action and want to generate options, but not when the team lacks experience, information, or in times of crisis. Goldman's sixth and final leadership style is the coaching leadership style. This focuses on the growth of another and involves understanding their long-term goals. In essence, it's helping another self-differentiate. By investing in others, you can help them grow in their capacity and motivation. It uses the power of emotional connection to show true care and concern about another. This style is best used in one-on-one interactions. A cue is when someone comes to you and shares a struggle. You can then go into coaching mode to ask questions that help them to clarify what's going on, what's important to them, and how they might respond.

(10:15)
It encourages a healthy response to challenge and avoids over functioning. Those are the six leadership styles, and according to Goldman, effective leaders know how to adapt their leadership style to the situation. The recent HBR article gives a helpful example. This is how switching styles looks like in real life. When launching a new project, you would use an authoritative style where clear direction and a compelling vision are needed to bring the team together and inspire people toward a common goal. You would switch to a coaching style when an employee is struggling with a certain task and you need to help them learn a new skill. You would employ a pace-setting style when your team have driven and experienced experienced employees needs to meet a challenging deadline. Goldman also believes that you can expand your range of leadership styles through practice and repetition. If you follow my work, you know that I emphasize the practices of self-awareness, reflection, and preparation so you can be more intentional in leading as a non-anxious presence. Self-awareness will help you to understand what's going on inside you in leadership situations, as well as enable you to pause and think about what might be needed.

(11:33)
Reflection will help you to assess what leadership style might have been required in certain situations and what you did or didn't do effectively. And preparation helps you to be more intentional so that you can better recognize what leadership style might be required in similar situations in the future. This is how you develop the basis for practice and repetition. The bottom line is this is a life's work. Leadership Partnership through self-differentiation does not come easily. It requires intentionality, it requires practice, but you can increase both your range and effectiveness as a non-anxious leader. That's it for episode 275. Don't forget to get more information about the Jenny Brown Book Study or find my interview with Chris and Declan Barris on the Minding the Gap podcast. And if you found this episode helpful, Please share it with someone else and please leave a review on your podcast platform of choice. Until next time. Thanks and goodbye.