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Welcome to episode 193 of the nonanxious Leader podcast. I'm Jack Shitama. Today's episode drops on Monday, September 19, which leaves just a few more days to sign up for Family Systems 101. The deadline is Friday, September 23. You can find a link to it in the Show Notes. It is a free eleven week course. It meets every Tuesday evening from seven to 08:30 p.m. Eastern, and it goes through my book.

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If you met my family, you'd understand you get a free copy of the book just for signing up for the course. If you have any questions, you can email me at jack@christianleaders.com. And now, without further ado, here is Episode 193 how to make your anxiety work for you. Today's episode comes from an article originally published by the Next Big Idea Club, but was reprinted with permission in Fast Company. I'll put a link to the Show Notes. It is called It's Time To Reframe Our Thoughts Around Anxiety. Here's how to use it productively, and it's based on the work of Tracy Dennis Tuwri, PhD. And her book Future Tense: Why Anxiety is Good for you even though it feels bad. Tracy Dennis Tuwri is a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Hunter College, the City University of New York. The article that references her work quotes Soren Kirkergard, who wrote, "Whosoever has learned to be anxious in the right way, has learned the ultimate." The point here is that anxiety in itself is not bad. In fact, anxiety and excitement are identical biologically. It's only how we process anxiety emotionally that makes it a bad thing for us.

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This is especially true if we try to reject or suppress it. When we do this, it will likely resurface in more powerful and unhealthy ways. So how can you reframe anxiety to make it work for you? Let's get into it. The first thing to note is that we hold two fallacies about anxiety. First, that it's dangerous and destructive, and we need to prevent and eliminate it. Second, that it's not a function of good mental health and happiness and therefore needs to be fixed. These fallacies lead to avoidance and suppression, which, as mentioned, makes anxiety worse and actually blocks our ability to cope. The article notes, quote These fallacies also suppress any curiosity about anxiety or interest in using anxiety for its true purpose an evolutionarily propelled advantage for protection and to energize us to be more creative, socially connected, and persistent. These false views of anxiety have it entirely backwards. The problem isn't that we feel too anxious. The problem is that we haven't mastered how to feel anxious. The evolutionary root of anxiety is something that makes Homo sapiens unique the ability to prepare for imagined and think about the future. And as Seth Godin says, anxiety is experiencing failure and advance.

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But the flip side of this is that anxiety, by causing us to think about the uncertainty and potential threats in the future, can also cause us to believe that something good might happen. It can motivate us to persevere towards our goals, as well as give us hope that we can have some impact on the outcome. According to the article quote, anxiety is inextricably linked to hope, and it sharpens our focus, helps us persist through obstacles, and motivates creativity, innovation and social connection. The key to flipping the script on anxiety is to reframe it as a positive. Research has shown that reframing anxiety as excitement as well as a performance advantage make a significant difference compared to just letting anxiety have its way. It's interesting to note that Dennis Tuwry does work on emotional regulation, which I believe is the first step to responding as a nonanxious presence. Once you have been able to self regulate, the next step is to get curious about what the anxiety is telling you. The third step is to thank your anxiety for clinging you into something important. And the fourth step is to take whatever positive thought or action that comes from this and let it engender hope and excitement.

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This is great stuff, but it gets.

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Better because anxiety primes us for emotional connection.

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When we are anxious, our levels of the hormone oxytocin spike, sometimes called the love drug oxytocin, is integral to many forms of social bonding, including romance, reproduction and childbirth and caregiving. When activated, oxytocin primes us for connecting to others, and research shows that connecting.

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To others is one of the best.

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Ways to manage all types of distress, including anxiety. I have two family system's takeaways on this. First, when you're feeling anxious, seek out those that you care about, process your anxiety with them, and you will likely find that this leads to greater self-definition. By connecting with others and getting curious about your anxiety, you can use it to your advantage. Second, this is why it's important to move closer to anxious people in the systems in which we function. If we distance ourselves, they will grow more anxious. If we can move closer while remaining a nonanxious presence, this can help them relieve their anxiety. Another way to reframe anxiety is to remind yourself that, according to the research, a period of anxiety actually increases creative fluency. Creative fluency includes the quantity and quality of ideas and the ability to persist in problem solving. If you're someone who wants to make an impact in the world, creative fluency is an important element, and you can thank anxiety for that. Finally, it's important to remember that anxiety works because it feels bad in many situations. This will drive us to do things that move us toward our goals and find ways to prevent negative outcomes.

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This is a form of negative reinforcement because our brain understands that anxiety actually worked. It kept us safe and moved us forward toward a more positive future. In short, anxiety, when framed positively, gives us a chance not only to survive, but to thrive. I'll close this episode with a reminder that nonanxious leaders are not anxiety-free. It's how you regulate and frame anxiety that makes the difference. When you can make anxiety work for you, then you'll no longer see it as the enemy. Say hello to your new friend anxiety. And that's it for episode 193. It was a short one, but I hope you found it helpful. Don't forget, you can connect with me at thenonanxiousleader.com. You can find a link to Family Systems 101 in the show notes, and you can email me at jack@christian-leaders.com. Until next time, thanks and goodbye.