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Welcome to episode 189 of The Non-Anxious Leader Podcast. I'm Jack Shitama. Today's episode is going to be a fable from Friedman's. Fables. Sounds like a tongue twister, doesn't it? I just finished a training where I was working with clergy leaders who are going to try to help others to function as non-anxious leaders. And I use this fable because it reminds me of what is going on in my denomination, the United Methodist Church. The name of the fable is Panic. So without further ado, here is episode 189. Put on your own oxygen mask first.

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Please obtain a copy of Friedman's Fables by Edwin Friedman and read the fable, "Panic."

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And the moral of the story is put your own oxygen mask on first. One of the concepts that Edwin Friedman discusses in Generation to Generation is systems that are either in series or in parallel. If you know anything about electricity, you know that in a series system, the electricity has to go through every part of the circuit to get from one end of the other. Whereas if something is in parallel, it can have multiple paths. Plumbing is the same way, plumbing could have water go through one series of pipes to get to the end or it can split and go down different types of pipes. Many paths in parallel lessening the pressure in the system to get to the end.

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In a relationship system that is in series, when there is upset, when there is anxiety, it affects everybody in the system. So for example, if there is a death in the family in one part of the system, it ripples out and everybody is affected. Or for example, if one part of the system is going through a difficult time like a divorce, it ripples out and it affects everybody in the system. A parallel system is different because although everything is still connected, there are multiple ways for energy or for anxiety to flow. And so, if one part of the system is going through a difficult time, other parts of the system may show care and concern, but their lives are not turned upside down. One way to think of this is in terms of surrounding togetherness pressure. When a system has a lot of togetherness pressure, it makes it more of a series system where you almost feel obligated to feel the anxiety of another. If you don't, it's perceived by others in the system that you don't care. The analogy here in the Domino fable is that it is a series system. And so when one person goes down, it has a domino effect and it starts to bring everybody else down.

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And because of the togetherness pressure, because of the emotional connection that's involved, it's so deep and so great that the primary concern of each domino is to try to figure out how to keep their neighbor from falling down. This is taking responsibility for others instead of taking responsibility for self. The primary role of a nonanxious leader, especially in difficult times, especially in times when there's likely to be panic, is to take responsibility for self, to look, to find inner strength. And if you are a person of faith, that means to find your strength, that comes through grace, that comes through your relationship with God and then use that strength to keep yourself upright, to keep yourself a non-anxious presence. And this will have a rippling effect on the rest of the system. The other principle that this fable illustrates is that leaderless systems tend to have higher levels of anxiety. That is because people want to have leadership. They want to have somebody who is helping them find their way. It doesn't mean that they're always going to follow blindly. But just having somebody who has some sense of vision, some sense of where we are headed into the future helps people to define their own position.

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It's important to note here that a leader who is unable to take a position, for example, a leader who leads by consensus without being willing to state their own position actually creates anxiety in the system. The healthier way to go about it is to say, here is where I believe we should be headed. You may not agree with me, I may be wrong, but this is what I believe. It's also important to note that when you try to get consensus, the obstinate minority can stop anything from happening. If you need everybody to agree that you're going to move in a certain direction or you're going to take a certain action, and just a few people are objecting, they can keep it from happening. So rather than trying to lead by consensus, leading by getting a majority of the people to go along, while stating your position is the healthiest way to lead change. My final observation has to do with the state of the United Methodist Church right now, which is starting to devolve into chaos because there has been a lack of leadership, a lack of decision in terms of how the different factions on human sexuality might be able to part ways amicably.

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The challenge that has occurred is that because of the pandemic, the legislative body that typically meets every four years, the General Conference has not been able to meet since 2019. And even though there were leaders who had negotiated an amicable separation, the pandemic has caused the delay of the General Conference until 2024. So none of that can take place. Everybody is in a holding pattern. There's no clear direction that anybody can count on. And so people are starting to get very anxious. I'm starting to hear the rhetoric get more intense, and we're starting to see lawsuits being filed for the average pastor or church leader. There's not anything one can do about the larger denominational struggle. But the one thing that a nonanxious leader can do is put their own oxygen mask on first. This means caring for self. That means taking responsibility for self. It means being able to define your own goals and values while staying emotionally connected, even to people who disagree with you. Especially to people who disagree with you. It's difficult work, but now more than ever, my United Methodist Church needs nonanxious leaders like this. And if you are a leader in any organization or congregation, there are other issues that are dividing us in similar ways.

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So if you can take care of yourself, if you can take responsibility for yourself, you have a better chance of remaining a non-anxious presence. And that's what we need right now. That's it for episode 189. You can connect with me at thenonanxiousleader.com. Send me an email at jack@christianleaders.com. I'd love to know what you think of the podcast. I'd love to have your ideas for future episodes. Until next time, thanks and goodbye.