Stephen Covey coined the term “Integrity in the Moment of Choice,” which is making ethical and principled decisions, especially during critical moments when one’s character is tested. Integrity is when your actions align with your goals and values, even in anxious situations.

However, if you don’t spend time reflecting on what is most important, you won’t know how to respond in the moment of choice and your automatic responses will likely take over.

Self-differentiation is the ability to express your goals and values in a healthy way in the midst of surrounding togetherness pressure. However, knowing your goals and values doesn’t happen automatically. Intentionally setting aside time to think about them will improve every aspect of your life. For me, this works in two ways.

First, I set aside time to let my mind wander. This is typically when I run but can also be when I take a walk, am driving in the car or doing dishes. The main thing here is I don’t listen to podcasts or music during this time.

This is not a formal time when I’m going through things systematically. It’s opening myself to allow things in my subconscious to bubble up. It’s my Holy Spirit time. It’s when I get clarity on things, as well as receive creative thoughts.

Second, when I know I’m going into a challenging situation, I will think about what I’d like to see happen. In essence, I’m doing a review of my goals and values and applying them to the situation at hand. I think through what I want to say to express those goals and values. If I’m on top of my game, I’ll take it a step further and think through how I would respond to any anxiety and sabotage in the situation.

This is not rocket science. What I do know is if you don’t spend time clarifying your goals and values, you’ll have a hard time acting with integrity in the moment of choice. It’s time well spent.