I don’t have the gift of spiritual discernment. But my wife does. I’ve learned during our 41 years of marriage that God speaks to her, then she tells me. Even if I don’t listen to God, I listen to my wife.

At the beginning of the year, she said we needed to take my mom to the west coast to see her sisters. As you might know, she turned 100 in May. Her sisters are 98 and 96, and all three survived Hiroshima in 1945.

We live on the east coast. Unfortunately, her sisters are not doing as well, physically, as my mom. So, if they’re going to see each other, we have to travel west.

I contacted my cousins to see if there was a way we could all gather this summer in Seattle, where the sisters were born (and one still lives). It was hard to find a time that would work. Then I found out that my cousin’s daughter was getting married in Oregon at the end of July.

I asked if the other sisters were going to be there. When I found out that they were, I invited us to the wedding. Well, not exactly, I said we’d like to come, but we didn’t have to come to the wedding. We just wanted the sisters to have a chance to spend time together. We don’t know how many more opportunities they will have.

I was a bit anxious about this, but I figured it was important. This is what self-differentiation is about. It’s about knowing your goals and values and then taking steps towards them, even if things aren’t ideal and even if you feel anxious about it.

In the end, we WERE invited to the wedding (SCORE!), and it was a wonderful experience.

Sidenote: Growing up, I used to see my cousins, who were spread from California up to Alaska, occasionally when we would gather in Seattle. But we were rarely all together. Then, in 1997, my mom’s youngest sister turned 70. Her kids invited all the cousins to Lake Tahoe, CA, to celebrate. We were all there, and it was so good that we decided to do it every other year.

We’ve been gathering bi-annually ever since. We’ve only missed one gathering when my father was sick and approaching the end of life. Some of my cousins haven’t missed any. What’s amazing to me is not only has it drawn the ten cousins closer, but our kids, the second cousins, have grown up with a strong family connection. Now their kids, the third cousins, are doing the same.

So, back to the wedding. Though it wasn’t a reunion, all three sisters, all ten cousins and some second and third cousins were there. I can’t describe how important this is to me and to our family. It gives me a sense of grounding that gets more important, the older I get.

I’m glad I invited us. We have a reunion scheduled for next year, but who knows if all three sisters will make it. At this point, we take nothing for granted. Thanks be to God we could do this now.

And now we’re in Seattle to see my dad’s remaining sister, who will be 99 this year, along with a few cousins. I’m calling this the Ty Shitama (my mom) 100th birthday victory tour. I’m glad I listened to my wife.