We just spent a week at a family reunion. If you listen to my podcast, you know that my wife, Jodi, and I took our two-year-old grandson, Thomas, with us. His parents had to work so they couldn’t go. This involved traveling cross country, and included airplanes, and quite a bit of time in the car to get to our destination. Thomas loves airplanes so the travel part turned out to be quite fun.
It was a great week. I learned three things from our time together.
Let go of expectations.
Normally, on vacation I actually have more time to work on my writing, but I knew this would be different. As I prepared mentally for the time away I realized that my morning routine of spiritual disciplines would likely be difficult to do. When you have a two-year-old, you need to deal with it. It was more important for me to get a good night’s sleep, as well as be a part of Thomas’ morning routine, then for me to try to get up early and fit in my own routine.
Because I had had a chance to think about it, and even journal about it, in advance, I went in with no expectations about what I would get done. This enabled me to be completely present with my grandson, which was a real blessing.
I also knew that a week of not doing my morning routine would not break the habit. I’ve been doing it long enough to know better, so I felt relaxed about letting it go so I could be a grandpa. This leads to the next thing I learned.
Routines matter.
If you follow any of my work you know I’m a big fan of routines. This is actually kind of surprising because for most of my life I wasn’t that way. I’m a Myers Biggs P, which means I like to go with the flow. So, routines did not come naturally to me. I wish somebody would have shown me the power of routines when I was younger.
Even though I wasn’t able to do my morning routine, I came to realize how important Thomas’ routine was. Our daughter and son-in-law have done a great job in creating routines for him. There’s a routine when he wakes up, when he takes a nap and when he goes to bed. He is such a creature of habit that there were multiple times that he told us that he was ready to take a nap or that he was ready to go to bed. This amazed me.
I think the power of routines made Thomas more comfortable being away from home, and away from his parents. It made it easier for both him and us.
As a leader having routines and systems to make sure you get your most important things done is essential. If you can do those things without requiring a lot of willpower you’ll be surprised how effective you can be as a leader. This also frees you up for more time to cultivate important relationships with those on your team.
Nobody gets the problem they can handle.
This is a basic family systems tenet. If we could handle it then it wouldn’t be a problem to begin with. Thomas doesn’t like to take baths. He especially doesn’t like water splashed on him. One night we were giving him a bath and he must’ve been extra tired because he screamed and cried hysterically. I continued to bathe him, but Jodi got upset and told me to stop and take him out of the tub.
What’s ironic about this is that when we were raising our kids, I would’ve been the one who said, “Who cares? A little dirt will never hurt him. Take him out of the tub. Jodi would’ve been the one who would’ve said, “Sit down and take a bath.” Now our roles were reversed.
As I thought about it, it was not surprising. Jodi has a real soft spot for Thomas. That’s what grandmothers do. I’m not sure why I was not upset by him being upset. But it wasn’t a problem for me.
The leadership lesson for me here is that we never know when somebody is going to react to something with anxiety. That’s OK. The important part for us is to be able to be a non-anxious presence.
I’m still learning and growing. Just like Thomas.
